Whew. I’m getting in another post just before the end of the year.
So, I’m sorry I haven’t written. And in this case, I’m very much to blame. But some of my dear friends might want to make me feel better, or might know what work has been like the past few months, and could very easily say “Your life has been so busy, you really shouldn’t feel guilty for not writing.” Or, the kindest among you might say: “It’s not your fault.” (Thank you, Dr. Dan.) Nonetheless, I’m very sorry.
Can you be sorry without admitting guilt?
I have for years maintained that you can be. I’m sorry your cat died, but I didn’t kill Fluffy. I’m just sorry for your loss. (Sorry for your loss seems to be the one time it seems to be ok to be sorry and not be accepting blame.) My friend told me he was in a fender bender yesterday. My reaction? “Oh! I’m so sorry!” He looked bewildered and said “Why? You didn’t run the red light.” Yeah, I know it, but I’m still sorry it happened to you. (Shit, man, now I’m sorry I said anything.)
I’m bringing this up now because at work we’re teaching new hires how to empathize with our customers. We encourage them to react to customer statements with genuine empathy in the same manner that they would to a friend. (“Aw, bummer, that’s too bad.”) Every time we teach this lesson, one or two new hires says “I’m sorry” as an empathy statement. The company only likes them to do that if it’s actually the company’s fault, otherwise it sounds like we’re accepting blame for something we didn’t do. Example: Customer says “Hey, my service isn’t working today!” Rep says “I’m so sorry! Let’s get that fixed!” Sounds great, until rep discovers that the service isn’t working because the customer didn’t pay the bill. Woops. That’s not our fault, so we wish the initial “I’m sorry” had never been part of the conversation.
Yes, but…. Maybe the rep was just sorry in the way I was sorry when my friend was in a fender bender.
Here’s the thing. I’ve been here six months now, and it’s been long enough to break me of my own “I’m sorry” habit. It just causes too much confusion, too much “It’s not your fault,” etc. so I’ve just cut it out. (It’s simplified things a lot, even though I sometimes feel like I’m not expressing my full range of emotion.)
Have you been through any grammar conversions this year? I’d love to hear about them. And again, I’m really sorry I haven’t written lately. (Totally my fault.)
